Hey Vegan, Eat Me!

My name is Tofu. I live on the second floor. I live upstairs from you. Yes, I think you've seen me before... Tofu has been abused, misused, confused and otherwise been refused. I get it. Tofu is weird. It's the golden palace of pleasure for vegetarians, blah, blah, blah. I have a terrific question from a good nonvegetarian friend, Jay and his wife, Stacey that will lend itself to mellowing any trash-talk about bean curd:

What are some great, flavorful ways to prepare tofu? Jay and I have tried recently (in our quest to eat more healthful dinners) but everything has turned out bland.

Tofu gets a bad rap. First, I must admit, there are foods that I do not like: mushrooms, cucumbers, corn, to name three all-stars. Wait! Before you start to hurl burning hot recipes at me with mushrooms, cucumbers and corn - I'm simply making the point that sometimes, people just don't like stuff. That's OK. It's natural. That said, however, if you can do to my least favorites what I am about to do to tofu, I'm all ears.

The Chinese (oh, here he goes, again). Stop it, internal dialogue! The Chinese invented tofu and truly exploit all of its attributes, but more on that down the page. Tofu is soy bean curd, essentially coagulated soy milk. Though the term coagulated has you pondering running away, never to read HowieCOOK again, hold up! Cheese is also coagulated milk, albeit the kind from cows, sheep or goats. We love cheese, so get over it and let the soothing words of HowiCOOK lull you into a comforting tofu haze.

Though you will mainly find a block of silken tofu or firm tofu in your local grocery store, there are a number of interesting commercial processes that tofu may go through which changes its character completely. It's worth some exploration on your own. If you have an international foods market in your 'hood, you may find two of my favorites, smoked tofu or pressed tofu.

Smoked tofu loses almost all of it moisture while smoking and, not unlike meat or fish, will smack of the flavor of the chosen smoking wood. Sliced in green salads, it adds a unique texture component. Most Chinese smoking processes use rice, tea, and peach or apple wood. Pressed tofu also has almost all of the moisture removed. The result is similar to and can easily sub-in for pasta.

For the moment, let's assume that you either do not have a local international market or do not have access to vast global market called the internet (I love writing things like that in a blog). You're happily stuck with the brick of silken or firm tofu. Silken is the softest type of fully formed tofu and has a texture reminiscent of quiche. Firm tofu has been further dried. It's a more crumbly form, which can be a drawback for some preparations.

When one is using tofu in this most commonly found brick form, it holds three characteristics that make it not a replacement for meat, but an ingredient with its own value! I'll just become a vegetarian and grill this here tofu brick instead of a steak tonight. N.O.

Brick tofu is a tremendous vehicle for flavor. It is bland on its own. Strong dressings, sauces, marinades all play well with the flat tofu taste. Again, do not think of cooking with it as using tofu instead of meat to be more healthy. There is a better reason. Since tofu is a reliable vehicle, make it a great flavor counterpoint! Go bold with seasoning, up the spicy, up the sweet, up the sour. In this way, one bite of a sauced-up tofu may result in a phenomenal punch, then a smooth, creamy middle, then a spicy back-end.

Tofu is about texture, not taste. Mouthfeel is its strength. Yes, mouthfeel is a technical term, and no, I did not just make up for you. What does it feel like to chew? Does it fill your mouth? Where does it meet up with your tongue? Is it creamy and smooth or gritty and sharp? Is there an aftertaste? Mouthfeel is often talked about in wine and cheese circles, but I believe it answers for alot of tofu's appeal. In essence, try to see tofu as a texture component in the larger dish.

One really cool thing that can be done with brick tofu (here, I prefer to use firm) is freezing it. Frozen tofu? Now tofu is for dessert? Well, it could be, but that's another entry for another day! Freezing and then thawing a brick of tofu enables it to absorb flavors much more readily. Off the grocery store shelf, there are bits of moisture (almost 100% water) dispersed throughout a brick of tofu. When tofu freezes, the moisture pockets expand.

When you then allow the tofu to thaw slightly and slice it, you will notice that the inside becomes sponge-like. Yes, like a kitchen sponge. It can then pick up big flavors in soups, sauces, dressings, etc. One thing to remain aware of, however, is that by expanding the tofu you are also lessening its structural integrity. Picture yourself getting tackeld with your arms and legs spread wide. It gets more pliable and therefore more fragile.

My advice is this: Take your tofu out of the liquid-filled, ubiquitous plastic tub with plastic seal on top. Drain the brick on top of some paper towels. Put some paper towels on top as well. If you feel like you can gently press it without breaking it up, do so. If not, just let the tofu sit and drain for a half hour. Once it is relatively dry, place the brick alone in a zip-top freezer bag. Do not try to get the air out of the bag, as the tofu needs room to expand a slight bit.

Freeze it for 4 hours or all night. When you take it out of the freezer, the tofu will have gotten darker in color. It's OK! This is natural and does not mean it went bad! Let the tofu sit in its bag for 15-20 minutes to thaw slightly. Slice or dice for use.

Below is a very, very simple recipe for Frozen Tofu with Spicy Sesame Dressing. For those of you who "do not like tofu," this dish presents tofu in a way that most of you have never seen and completely changes its texture - the main culprit in most of our food aversions! Ironically, it fits as a nice side dish to grilled steak...

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Frozen Tofu with Spicy Sesame Dressing

1 - brick of firm tofu, frozen, thawed, sliced 1/4 inch thick
5 C - vegetable or chicken stock

dressing
6 Tb - sesame paste or tahini
6 Tb - soy sauce
3Tb - water
2 Tb - sesame oil
1 tsp - rice vinegar
1 tsp - sugar
1 or 2 tsp - red chili pepper flakes (depends on how hot you want)]

(Assuming you have already frozen your tofu for at least four hours, thawed for a 15 min. and sliced) Start this recipe 20 minutes before meal or snack time. Heat up the veg or chicken stock over high heat in a medium sauce pan. Once the liquid begins to boil, lower the heat to a simmer. add your frozen tofu slices.

Do not move the tofu around in the stock! Resist the mighty pasta urge to swirl the whole thing up. Remember that by freezing then simmering, you are causing the tofu to go fragile. Simmer without touching for 8-10 minutes over low heat. While the tofu is simmering, whisk together all dressing ingredients. If the mixture is too thick, do not hesitate to add a bit more (equal parts) water and soy sauce. You're seeking the thickness of ranch dressing.

Set up a large plate or cookie sheet covered in paper towels. With a slotted spoon or a slotted spatula, gently gently gently remove the tofu slices, one by one, placing them in one layer onto the plate or cookie sheet.

Once you have them all removed from the pot and drained, plate up and drizzle or pour the sesame sauce over to coat and serve. Done.

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Jay and Stacey, I hope you enjoy. The rest of you vegetarians and vegans out there, you're welcome, and all of you tofu-hating confused people, let me know how this changed your life.

To submit questions to HowieCOOK,
send email to
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Soy Story Catch-Up!

No clever quips this time, and no fabulous recipes. Below are the 7 clips from Soy Story that I have so far. Sit back, relax, enjoy and don't get too terribly hungry!

OK, first some background. The Soy Story film project was formally conceived of about one year ago, after 12 years, many trips to, and thousands of meals consumed in China. I had decided that very few outlets within the enormous and influential food media world were doing enough to shift focus onto the rich history, diversity and significance of Chinese cuisine. I thought perhaps, with the then impending Beijing Olympics, media consumers would be ravenous to find out more about the food of the Middle Kingdon, its diversity, its dynamism and its cultural importance withing Chinese society.

Rather than clarify and debunk misconceptions of Chinese cuisine, much of the main stream culinary media took a wonderful opportunity and blew it by further cementing said misconceptions. Leading up to the Olympics, I watched in horror as the TV dudes who eat weird foods went to the best *donkey* restaurant in Beijing, the best *penis* restaurant in Beijing (I kid you not), and found the best *scorpion on a stick* in Beijing. I also combed through a number of US newspaper articles about Beijing cracking down on scores of restaurants that serve dog meat, mandating that they take dog off the menu during the Summer of 2008.

If you are an avid food media absorber like me, you may have been left with the impression that the following are true and many of your Chinese food urban legends were right:

1. Eating dog is common across China.
2. The Chinese eat only strange parts of even stranger animals.
3. If the cats in your neighborhood are disappearing, there must be a Chinese joint opening soon.
4. I could go on...

Soy Story seeks to celebrate Chinese cuisine in a way I find to be unique within the food media stream we receive. I interview real people, in real China, with real opinions, eating real farm-to-table foods, the array of which may surprise you. It's time we handed Chinese food back to China, and ask them to clarify a few things for us, don't you think?

I am not yet done filming for Soy Story, and I hope to find the footage a good home after I am done. If that last bit never occurs, however, it will always have a safehouse here at HowieCOOK. Bon appetit:

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send email to

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Stir Fried Wikipedia

Well, well, back to the Chinese thing for HowieCOOK. Sensing a logical theme, are we? A friend of mine from high school writes in to get behind the magic that is the technique, not the dish (!) called stir fry, but more on my 'modest' opinion later. Here's what Stavra writes:

I would just like someone to tell me how to cook an EASY stir fry(chicken or shrimp. Every time I try something is just not right. The meat doesn't have enough flavor or the vegetables are too soggy..

There are a few simple rules to live by when stir frying meat and veg. Be careful, I may blow your mind. YET, since we're on the topic of stir fry, you will have to lie in mouth-watering wait until I offer you a terrific stir fry tale...

By now, we all know what Wikipedia is. We also know what stir frying is. Yet, have you heard of Stir Fried Wikipedia? It's real. Well, sort of...

Good ole' number 303 on the menu at Cha Ma Gu Dao (ancient tea and horse road), a rather modern restaurant in Beijing. They serve and are notable for a enormous array of mushroom dishes from Yunnan province in Southwestern China. In fact, they have mushrooms flown in from Yunnan by the kilo on a daily basis.

Imagine the enjoyment of browsing through an encyclopedic menu with my lovely wife, Jessica and Jian Jun, a Chinese friend. We happen upon "Stir-fried Wikipedia" next to a photo fo a beautiful mushroom dish and think, Have we found the world's first corporately sponsored fungus? We're all fairly geeky and thought that this was priceless.

Though, knowing alot about the Chinese ways of translation, my head went in another direction entirely. This had to be one of those entertaining yet innocent linguistic mistakes often though adorable by Western passers through in China. Like "keep on touching" instead of "keep in touch."

(Before you see this as dissing, do you know how many times I have asked for the "uneven room" instead of the "men's room" in China?)

I am not nearly the first writer to cover Stir Fried Wikipedia. The traveler blogosphere has been a playground for this little piece of menu brilliance for some time now. However, I believe I am the first writer to get to the bottom of it. When filming for Soy Story, I sat with the general manager of Cha Ma Gu Dao, Mr. Ceng Ping. Of course I asked about Yunnan cuisine, the way people feel about it, and the awesome flat-top grill in the kitchen. Then I dropped the bomb, "What's with this Stir Fried Wikipedia? Is this the official name of a mushroom? Do you know what that really means?"

The story goes: The guy hired to do the translation of the menu a few years back was put under alot of pressure to complete the task with a quite tight dealine. Most of the mushrooms were easy pickins on the web. So, our translator got comfortable with Google as the job aid, until he ran into the dreaded Ji Zong mushroom. Though he just went with the term "Ji Zong" most other places in the menu, he felt compelled to get the English word at least once. There must be an English word! Finally, he came across a unique word he had not seen for any other mushroom, and it was prominently placed in the first search result from Google. Wikipedia! That must be it, sounds exotic! Job done.

A thousand years from now, archaeologists will uncover a beautifully preserved laminated menu from central Beijing and find conflicting information from the otherwise known Wikipedia of commonly-edited-informational-web-pages fame. Dissertations will be written.

But, I digress...

Stir Frying is a technique, like sautéing, roasting, or baking. Stir fry is not the name of a dish, dag nabbit! "We're having stir fry tonight, honey" carries about as much meaning as, "We're having carmelize tonight, sweetiekins!" Frankly, you can stir fry any meat with relatively little connective tissue to break down and just about anything that spawns from the garden - if you do it right. It is a high-heat, fast-paced sauté. That is all.

It could be German stir fry night when you prep some thinly sliced smoked sausage, shredded potatoes and a light-textured cabbage. It could be Italian stir fry night when you put out a hell of a quick carbonara sauce. Stir fry is a process, not an end result, per se. If you think of stir fry and immediately think of Chinese, think again. In fact, stir frying plays an pivotal but a cameo role in any Chinese kitchen worth it's soy! Rant over, onto blissful education.

There are a few simple rules to play by to do it right.

1) With meats, it is best to marinate, even if for a bit of time. The Chinese tend to marinate using flavor enhancers, such as soy sauce, oyster sauce, hoisin sauce, or plain salt and/or sugar. They also use something acidic to tenderize the meat - if it is a meat with some connective tissue, e.g. flank steak. This is typically egg white (not just for woosy omelets, anymore), vinegar or booze.

A bit of oil doesn't hurt either. Oil coats the meat, and in combination with those items listed above seals in some flavor. Also typical in commercial kitchens is to pass through the oil. This means quickly taking the meat for a swim, marinated or not, through very hot oil - before stir frying. Traps in moisture. Before you think of this as no longer simple, you can get away without this last step. Remember to drain the marinade before stir frying.

2) With vegetables, it is best to blanche. Blanching is taking vegetables for a quick swim in boiling water, typically well under a minute. Boiling water will cease the enzymatic processes on the surface of the vegetable, thereby sealing it up, in a way. If vegetables are blanched, there is less likelyhood they will absorb too much oil while quick frying, which means less soggy veg.

After blanching, you shock the vegetables in an ice bath, as this will stop any further cooking before you get to the main event. Let you vegetables dry completely before then stir frying. hot+oil+cold+water=real+bad. Blaching also enhances the color of some vegetables, especially green varieties. A neat trick is to add a bit of baking soda to blanching water. This brings out the color even more.

3) For the main event, everything happens very quickly. Oil gets to (just under screamingly) hot. In alot of Chinese recipes, it's popular to see when you see a wisp of white smoke. Aromatics gets added to the pan (garlic, ginger, etc.). Before the aromatics burn, perhaps under 10 seconds, meat gets added. Stir, stir, stir. Once the outside of the meat is uniformly lighter in color than it started, add the veg. Stir, stir, stir. Add sauce components. See below

4) Finish it with a sauce. Typically, the simple sauce includes a flavorful liquid and a starch. This could be meat stock, plus corn starch slurry (mixed equal parts cold water + corn starch). Onc the sauce components are added, let the whole come just to a boil and turn off the heat. You're done.

So, Stavra, those are the rules. They may seem complex. They're not. I just write too much. I do have some ideas for what to produce. Below are my recipes for Egg and Tomato and Cilantro Chicken.

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Egg and Tomato (Xi Hong Shi Chao Ji Dan) is one of my favorite dishes, ever. Why it has never become popularized in American Chinese joints, I will never know. It's a simple staple in my home.

2 Tb - vegetable or other light oil
3 - eggs
1 tsp - salt
1 Tb - water
1 - beefsteak tomato, cut into 1/4 inch wedges.
1 tsp - sugar
2 tsp - soy sauce
1 tsp - sesame oil

This dish will take you 10 minutes, max. Whisk eggs and salt with water. Heat 1 Tb of the oil in your (ideally nonstick) pan over medium-high until very hot but not burning. Drop in your egg mix. Stir stir stir. When the eggs just about coagulate (scramble), slide them out of the pan. This should take about 30-45 seconds. The very hot oil should prevent eggs sticking, but no worries if some does.

Heat the other Tb of the oil in the pan until very hot. Drop in the tomato wedges. Let them sit and begin to liquify for about 30 seconds. Stir stir stir. When the tomato still has some body, shut off the heat and add your scrambled eggs back in. Stir to combine. Plate and drizzle with soy sauce and sesame oil. Damn, I love this dish. With a mound of steamed rice, it's a nice comfort bowl.

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Cilantro Chicken (Xiang Cai Ji Ding)

(Even) I was surprised a few years back when I discovered the volume of cilantro that is used in Hunan province. In fact, they serve a cilantro salad that is simply a well fabricated bunch of cilantro, oil and seasoning. This easy chicken dish rocks.

marinade
1 Tb - soy sauce
1 tsp - sesame oil
1 tsp - rice wine, sherry or gin
1 tsp - corn starch
1 - egg white

1 lb - boneless, skinless chicken breast cut into 3/4 inch cubes
1 Tb - vegetable or other light oil
1/2 Tb - ginger minced
1/2 bunch - cilantro stems cut into 2 inch sticks
3 Tb - chicken (or other) stock
1/2 tsp - salt
2 tsp - corn starch
1 Tb - cold water
1/2 bunch - cilantro leaves chopped

Start about an hour before meal time. Whisk the marinade together and combine with the chicken cubes. Let it sit for a half hour while you ponder the meaing of the wok over a nice cocktail. drain your chicken cubes from the marinade and set aside. Discard the marinade.

Mix the corn starch and water to make a slurry. Set aside.

Heat the oil in a skillet ( I would prefer not nonstick) over medium-high until you see the famed wisp of white smoke. Add your ginger to the pan. Before the ginger burns, perhaps under 10 seconds, add your chicken cubes. Stir stir stir until the outisde of the cubes is uniformly light. Add your cilantro stems to the pan. Stir stir stir for about 30 seconds until the stems just about start to go flexible. Pour in the stock, add the salt. Stir to combine.

Add your slurry. Stir to combine. Turn off the heat. Add your cilantro leaves to the pan. Stir to combine and plate the whole thing. I love cilantro and so the Hunanese.

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Thanks for the question, Stavra! Get frying! Who's next?

To submit questions to HowieCOOK, send email to
HowieCOOK@gmail.com

Leave My Chicken Out Of It, Turkey!

OK, it's about time I fess up to something grim from my otherwise spotless culinary past. A very good Turkish friend of mine likes to chide me about this unfortunate event whenever he gets the chance. Kemal, this one's for you. He writes:

I am curious to know if dessert can be made from an ordinary chicken? Please advise.

When Kemal and I worked together, everyone regularly brought in snacks of all kinds to share among the staff. Kemal, one day, brought in Tavuk Gogsu. Before translating for anyone what the label said in Turkish, Kemal strongly suggested we try it. Being brave, and by brave I mean stupid, we did. Perhaps it was the mystery, the influence of not knowing what was in it. We all thought it was quite odd. This was not supposed to be a game of truth or dare, Kemal! Tavuk Gogsu is a very Turkish dessert that features chicken. That's right. Chicken...plus sugar, plus cinnamon, plus cracked rice, plus milk. It's basically a chicken-infused-cinnamon-bun-flavored-rice-porridge.

I did not like Tavuk Gogsu, and to this day, this dish concerns me deeply. I have tried for years to convince myself that maybe it was who made it or which commercial kitchen produced it that mattered. Turns out, no wonder, no quality differences changed my feeling. I just cannot get over the fact that there is chicken in my dessert. To be fair: The Turks are not to blame for this dish. It originated in ancient Rome, brought to Turkey through expansionism...Yet we don't see the dish in Italy today. Hmm. Flash forward to my screw up...

Kemal once hosted a huge and wonderful Turkish banquet, complete with kefte (meat balls), kebab (kebab), dolma (stuffed grape leaves), pide (flat bread) and a varied and voluminous set of dips and salads. Since Kemal and I were already at war over chicken dessert, dear Kemal requested that I craft and bring the disputed poultry confection. Tavuk Gogsu. It was on!

Long story, short (it never actually is), I delivered one mighty and inedibly poor dish to Kemal that fateful mid-summer night. Whether or not it was intentional malfeasance, I'll never tell (it's my blog, dag'nabbit). It was a colossal kitchen disaster no matter the antecedent. Darn. I can't make a great chicken dessert. Alas, and Woe is me...

BUT

I am a worldly culinarian with an open yet colorfully opinionated mind. Meat proteins do not belong in dessert. That is not to say that meat proteins do not belong in any sweet dishes. Just not in dessert, I say! There are a two world dishes that spring to mind, one of which actually includes the above derrided chicken.

The Moroccans make a dish called Bastilla. Hell to make, but one of my favorites to eat. It's an almond, cinnamon and shredded chicken filled filo pastry that is dusted with powdered sugar. You might think immediately of dessert given the stuff on the outside. Yet, it's typically served within the first few courses. There is a unique bridge that is built between the savory poached chicken and the sugary aspects. That bridge is primarily built of the almonds and cinnamon. Both ingredients play will with sweet and savory. Bastilla's slightly salty chicken shreds offer an ideal counterpoint to the sweetness of the outside shell. It's like a dance for the taste buds. The Chinese do this with sweet and sour dishes.

The Chinese (go figure, Howie's writing about Chinese food)...Ahem, as I was saying, the Chinese make a rice porridge that is served with any number of condiments. Some of them are sweet and some of them are savory. The savory type largely use meat proteins. This is a breakfast food in China, not dessert. Makes sense, even here in the US we have our sweet-tooth breakfast of champions and our salty breakfast of champions. Though, the Chinese flavor their porridge with the likes of dried shrimp, pork belly fat, and red bean paste. Not so much here.

...OK, back to my war with Kemal.

Kemal - I respect you and I respect Turkey. I respect Turkey so much that I would like to make an honorable suggestion about Tavuk Gogsu - Either take the chicken out of the recipe and keep your precious dessert, or follow my instructions below to turn Tavuk Gogsu into a savory, kick-A$$ appetizer! Otherwise known as Go Go Tavuk Gogsu...

1 - chicken breast on bone with skin

3/4 cup - cracked rice or bulgur wheat

2.50 cup - chicken stock (room temp)

2 cup - milk (room temp)

2 tsp - salt

1 tsp - white pepper

0.75 tsp - tumeric

0.50 tsp - fresh thyme

0.50 tsp - fresh oregano

1 tsp - lemon juice

Start this recipe 2.50 hours ahead of meal time. Cover the rice or wheat with hot but not boiling water, let it stand for two hours. Go watch TV and have a Turkish Beer.

Poach the chicken breast in water to cover, over low heat. Probably 10-12 minutes. In this recipe, it's OK if the chicken gets just a tad overcooked, you'll be rehydrating it in the porridge later. Drain, cool and remove the bone from the chicken breast. Shred the breast meat into the thinnest fibers you can. Set aside.

Drain the soaked rice. In a food processor, grind the living daylights out of the rice or wheat. You could use a mortar and pestle, but that would suck. If you don't have a food processor, buy one or make friends with someone who does.

Combine the rice or wheat with the milk, stock and salt in a sauce pan, place on medium heat. Bring to just a simmer. Stir for 5-7 minutes on medium heat until the mix starts to thicken.

Add the shredded chicken to the pot and lower the heat to (not extremely) low. Stir on the heat for about 3 minutes and then add your tumeric, thyme, and oregano. Let the mix sit on low heat for 2-3 minutes without moving. Come back to the pan, drop in the lemon juice, stir to fully incorporate. Taste for seasoning and adjust. Serve hot.

I consider Kemal like a brother. I'm sure he'll accept my new recipe with open arms and no arguments. Whatsoever.

Thanks for the question, Kemal! Who's next?

To submit questions to HowieCOOK, send email to

HowieCOOK@gmail.com

Like a Steak Through the Heart

OK, folks. It's St. Patty's Day. Let's talk about steak. What's the connection, you may ask? Well, there is no connection, but I received this question from my good friend John Patrick O'hara - he's an Irish dude.

I love steak right off the grill, but a grill isn't always available... What's the best way to pan fry or roast a steak to get that grilled flavor?

I hate steak. Like hate hate. I just don't get it, don't see the point. I have hated steak since I was a kid. Chew it up, stick it in a napkin, toss to the side. That was my tactic and I got away with it - so sorry, Mom. I thought, perhaps, with time and maturity the feeling would pass. It hasn't. In fact, I have even gone as far as cooking it myself, thinking that my senses were just lying in wait for the perfect preparation. No go. Still hate it and I feel zero guilt. At a steak house I order the fish.

At best, steak is a terrific vehicle for other flavors (so is a spoon) and at worst, it's cow flavored gum (yes, I said cow flavored gum). Understand, I do not hate beef. I hate the chunk-of-charred-slab presentation. It makes no culinary sense. Here's a slab of cow and a serrated knife, now get to work! Why would any gourmand worth their salt pay top dollar for the honor of cutting their own meat? That is the work of the kitchen. And don't get me started about fillet! At least cheaper, fattier cuts wear the costume of flavor! Have the boneless skinless chicken breast instead. It's lighter on your wallet and has just about as much character!

That said, I will kick aside the soapbox and happily share my prowess about preparing steak. What, can't one jeer harshly and still be an expert?

John, no grill is no problem. The main event on a grill has relatively little to do with fire and much more to do with the metal grates. Sure, the ambient heat does some of the work, but the character of grilled food comes directly from the grates. After alot of healthy use, a grill grate has flavor built in. You want that flavor and flavor begets flavor. A brand new grill will not impart the grill greatness that you're after but you must sacrifice a few meals in the name of later flavor.

There is something to be said, as well, for the smokey goodness that comes with ambient grill heat. That flavor comes from drippings and mistakes from past grilling. You say Crap, I lost one of the burgers, when you should be saying, Yippee, I lost one of the burgers. It's OK. That's the good stuff. You don't necessarily want burgers to be sacrificed on the grill but it will certainly help to build flavortown for the next time you fire up.

So, there are two pieces to replicate when you are trying to mimic the grilling experience without a grill. 1) Seasoned metal effect and 2) Old-burnt-food smokey effect. Both are easy to do with a combo of flavor agents and the right vessel. Drum Roll Please...

1) Seasoned metal effect: C A S T I R O N. A cast iron pan is the gift that keeps on giving. Just like the grates of a well used grill, a coat builds up on the pan during each use that adds to its character. A well seasoned pan will impart a unique flavor to any meat, it will give you your daily dose of iron (true) and it is good for the stovetop and the oven. That last bit is the key to doing to a steak what you do on the grill. One part meat-on-metal, one part ambient heat to finish the cooking.

2) Old-burnt-food smokey effect: Difficult to replicate in the house, especially if one does not have a commercial grade ventilation hood above the stove. If you're excited about smoking out the cats and setting off alarms, I suppose you could let something burn on the bottom of the oven in hopes of that goodness getting into your meat. ---OR--- you could be smart and just use the right spices. Look for something with a smokey hint. My money's on smoked paprika, cumin, and bacon salt (it's real and its @#$! awesome). Steak purists are foaming at the mouth right now at the notion of putting anything but salt and pepper on the steak. BUT, my friends, smokey goodness is not going to make itself.

Preheat your oven, get the cast iron pan screaming hot, rub the meat with the spices, sear it, flip it, roast to finish. Done.

Now that I have simultaneously insulted and educated steak lovers (You're welcome), let me continue my St. Patty's Day ode to the O'Hara's of the world by giving you my special Green Cow Slab recipe. Enjoy chewing!

compound butter

1/2 lb - butter, softened

1/2 bunch - cilantro, leaves only

4 - mint leaves

steak

1 - boneless rib eye steak, 1 inch or 1.5 inch thick

1 Tb - light oil (vegetable, canola, etc.)

1 tsp - smoked paprika

1 tsp - cumin

2 tsp - bacon salt (or table salt)

Do this hours ahead of cooking the steak. Compound butter sounds complicated. It's not, and it may change your life. Compound butter simply means butter that's softened, has things mixed into it, then brought back to fridge temp to be used later.

Put the butter it into a blender with the (washed) cilantro and mint, blend until relatively smooth. You could just chop and mix in the herbs with a fork, but this way, the butter gets green for St. Patty's Day. Once blended, get some plastic wrap, plop the butter down onto it, form into a log with your hands the best you can. Roll it up in the plastic wrap and perfect the log. Fridge it.

Preheat your oven to 500 degrees Fahrenheit. Put the cast iron (or other oven safe) pan on the biggest element on your stove and heat to high. Let the pan heat for a few minutes. You want to work with a screaming hot surface. Mix together the oil and spices to form a loose paste. Lightly coat the meat with the mix. Using tongs, drop the steak onto the pan and don't move it. Let it sear for 30 to 45 seconds. Flip the steak and immediately place the pan into the oven. Roast for no less than 2 minutes and no more than 4 - depending on how you like your meat. Remove from the oven, plate and let it rest, covered loosely with foil, for 2-3 minutes.

When the meat is resting, get your compound butter from the fridge. Unwrap the green butter log and slice 2 discs off. Immediately place the discs on top of your steak. Melty green goodness.

Wow, this sounds good enough to eat. For you. Not me. I hate steak.

Thanks for the question, John Patrick O'Hara! Who's next?

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"Brown Sauce" and Innocent Mongolian Horses

I was asked by my friend Jeff: "What, exactly, is 'brown sauce' and what is its history in Asian cooking?"

When we hear "red sauce," we can rest assured that there was at least one tomato harmed during its creation. When we hear "white sauce," we can more or less assume that cream or milk saw the inside of the pan. Yet, when we hear "brown sauce," that's a horse of a different color. For those of you who are too young to appreciate a profound "Wizard of Oz" reference, the answer is "no." There is no horse in brown sauce. Though, it would not be out the question, more on that down the page...

Sauces that are brown in an Asian recipe will always include soy in one form or another. Primarily, soy sauce would be the assumption. Some places will also add oyster sauce (yes, it is made from oyster goop and soy beans) or hoisin sauce (also has soy bean paste). I suppose the general rule would be that "brown" in this regard means a protein stock, plus fermented-soy-base, plus a mandatory thickener: typically corn, tapioca or potato starch. On protein stock: Largely, in Chinese joints in ths US, this is almost always canned or boxed chicken or beef stock. (Warning: Joke resolution from above...) Horse stock could be used, but I would imagine not, at least not south of Mongolia.

Now that the definition is out of the way, onto the meat of your question: There simply is no significant history and the term "brown sauce" should be outlawed. I can't remember the last time I was out dining on the town and heard," Oh my gosh. I love brown things. I have to try this beef and brocolli with brown sauce. Thanks, Mr. Ping, you really know how to please a diner!" There's nothing wrong with the brown food. It can be delicious. but when the color provides the only descriptor for a food stuff, we have to wonder.

My guess is that we still see "brown sauce" on US Chinese menus due to a perceived 1970s need for simplicity and the fact that the cuisine has sadly not matured since then. If you were the owner of a Chinese joint in 1974 in New York City, you probably wanted to draw customers into eating your food (fairly exotic, at the time) . Telling them what was in the sauce would likely send (even) New Yorkers running for the hills. Americans love their "brown gravy" on meat. Why not "brown sauce," right?

The history of Chinese food in the US has everything to do with laborers and immigrants looking for gold-lined streets, and little to do with sharing awesome food ways. The large majority of Chinese that entered the US between the 1850s and today were not cooks in China. Due to US laws and desperation, many immigrants ended up working in existing Chinese restaurants or starting their own and learning on the ground. Learning on the ground unfortunately meant immediately catering to the American expectation of 'Chinese' food.

My hope is that one day, the US Chinese cuisine market will begin to appreciate the details and nuances that define the vast number of Chinese sauces, some of which happen to be varying degrees of brown. Here is a terrificly simple recipe for Jin Jiang Rou Si (home style pork strips in a sauce that happens to have a medium-brown hue).

marinade

1 lb - pork tenderloin
1 - egg white
1 tsp - corn starch
1 Tb - soy sauce
2 tsp - any vinegar

sauce

1 Tb - any light oil
1 Tb - ginger minced
1 tsp - garlic minced
2 Tb - shaoxing, rice wine or sherry
2 Tb - soy sauce
3 Tb - chicken stock
2 tsp - corn starch
2 tsp - water

Start hours ahead. I wish every recipe told you when to start in the first sentence. Cut your tenderloin into long, thin strips. I don't want to dictate, but 1/4 inch X 1/4 inch X 2 inch would be cool. Marinate the pork in the fridge for hours in a mix of the other marinade ingredients. The vinegar and the egg white act to break down the pork proteins. Mmm. Soft pork.

Get your pork to room temp, drain off the marinade. Mix together the cornstarch and water with a fork. Turn the big element on your stove to a high heat. Choose a pan that can handle alot of heat. I use cast iron for alot of Chinese dishes. This is all very quick. So, pay attention...

After getting the pan hot, drop the oil in, drop the pork in, toss with spatula until it starts to turn light on the outside; maybe 1-2 minutes. Drop the ginger and garlic in, stir for 1 minute. Drop the wine or sherry in and back the #@%$ up. Relax. Let it sit with the booze for 30 seconds before reacting. The alcohol is burning off and the pork is finishing cooking. Drop in the soy sauce and the stock. Let it come to a boil. Drop in the corn starch mix. Back to a boil. Swirl to bring together the sauce.

Done.

Traditionally, this is served with thin, pasta like wraps of pressed tofu. I have also had it with thin pancakes, similar to what you might eat with Peking duck. At the end of the day. If someone presented me with Jin Jiang Rou Si and a bowl of steamed rice, I would be their best friend until the food ran out.

Thanks for the question, Jeff. Who's next?

To submit questions to HowieCOOK, send email to

HowieCOOK@gmail.com

HowieCOOK Lights the Fire

My name is Howie and I am obsessed with food. I am not a chef, never intend to be, and I do not play one on TV. I've been surrounded by great dining since I was a kid. My family cooked a random assortment of comforts on the weekends; my Mom fashioned entertaining and delicious build-your-own pizza nights; my Dad brewed a mean turkey stock after the holidays; my little Italian Grandmother filled the house with the aroma of old Napoli...or was it Hoboken?

In the late 1990's I lived in China for a spell and quickly fell head over heels for one of the world's great schools of underestimated cookery. My kitchen's been (figuratively) on fire ever since. Though China helped solidify this identity for me, I maintain a global perspective when it comes to food and I don't discriminate. I walk the Earth looking for my next perfect meal.

Where my bank account doesn't actually allow for the previous sentence to be true, I cook every day to keep up with a quickly spinning globe of cuisines. I even went through culinary school! I live for food. I love for food. I can talk food until the cows come home...to become a Beef Wellington. I am obsessed.

Now, I want nothing more than to share my obsession with you. I'll answer any question about food. There is no question that is too small, too big, too absurd, or too controversial. At times, I may take sides, I may piss you off, and I may make you squirm. Yet, every time, I will leave you hungry for more...

• meal combinatons
• recipes
• ingredients
• methods
• fixes(!)
• history
• culture
• sociology

...anything you want to throw at me! Every topic is on the table (witty, no?). I will give you more than you ever wanted to know. After all, food is life and life is huge. This is how we cook - or rather - this is...

To submit questions to HowieCOOK, send email to
HowieCOOK@gmail.com

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